How Teachers See Parents - Another Angle?

I was recently asked by a teacher if I found this post offensive after I replied to his link saying “At least we know where we stand now”. The article in question seemed like a bit of a rant to me. I don’t mind rants, they have their place, but I don’t like when a rant is disguised as a ‘helpful guide’ for the people the author is ranting about! I wasn’t offended, it wasn’t personal, but I am a parent and so the article was supposedly directed at me. Like many (in fairness, most) teachers I am an (Honours!) graduate. I have a postgraduate business qualification, a Masters degree, am about to complete my second Masters degree and embark upon a PhD. I don’t get paid extra for having these qualifications, or the Honours degree. I paid my fees from my own earnings, and I worked on them all in my own time, during holidays, weekends and evenings.

Like many, many parents, in all manner of careers and none, I am widely read and generally well informed about life. I know my children particularly well. I, like many (in fairness, most) parents like to be aware of what my children and others learn in school, how they learn, who they learn from and with. Okay, so maybe I make slightly more of a point to be informed about education in general and my children in particular when it comes to teaching issues. I read ESRI papers on education. I keep up with developments from the DES, the NCCA and the SEC. I have given talks to teachers about Exceptionally Able learners.

So here’s what I would say in reply:

We are your equal. By that I mean, that whether we have honours degrees or no qualifications, whether we are rocket scientists or contract cleaners, when it comes to this relationship, between you, us and our child,  We Are Your Equal. The whole thing hinges on this. It’s a triangular relationship. Three points, three people; child, parent, teacher. Call the points A, B and C for the three people. Let’s call A the point at the top, and B and C the two points on the bottom. The parent and the teacher are at the same level, supporting the child at the top of the relationship. Still equal.

We don’t need you or want you to be a ‘nanny’ to our children, we are the ones who nurture and raise them. We lend them to you for a few hours a day, just as they are lent to us for the few precious years of childhood and adolescence. Yes, you see them in a different light than we do, they are multi-faceted just like you and I. You only see them for short periods, you may not know all there is to know about them. Just because we each see different sides of them, doesn't mean either of us has the ‘best view’. Rather it means that we should acknowledge and learn from each other’s perspectives. You know, like, equals?

Likewise, if you could only take our warnings to heart, it might save that child a lot of heartache in the future. We may have some early warning information for you. Our children might be several years ahead of their peers academically. They might be rejected by their peers for being different. This might make them unhappy. Being unhappy might have an impact on their behaviour. We may have something valuable to offer to you too in that regard. If you tell me my child has “a behaviour problem” why should it be a surprise that I might question that diagnosis? Unless you are also a qualified child psychiatrist it is normal for me to want more information about how you concluded that my child has a behaviour issue. If, on the other hand, you opened a dialogue about how we might support my child when they were upset about an issue and showed it in their behaviour, I might be more amenable to your suggestions. As I said, we’re equally invested in this.

As for making excuses? Who are any of us to dismiss each other when we reveal that we have been having a hard time in our personal lives? If I were to disclose a personal problem or family matter to my child’s teacher, the last thing I would expect from a fellow professional is a dismissive attitude as described in the article. To be fair, I truly do not believe that Irish teachers behave like this. Who is to know what is going on in the teachers’ lives either? When we share a family difficulty which affects our child’s learning, we should be treated with dignity. Likewise, a teacher’s difficulty should be handled sensitively by parents. Equal dignity.

In relation to grades, I don’t believe for one moment that my child’s A’s are not A’s and my child’s B’s or C’s are A’s because the better teacher marks harder! I do trust that teachers mark work fairly and objectively as professionals, so I see no issue here, an A is an A. I know my child’s potential, I have a really good idea what mark they should be aiming for. I can help the teacher by telling them this information, but only if they are willing to listen. Some years ago our eldest just scraped a pass in the Junior Cert mock exam for Maths. We were shocked as we knew he was more than capable in the subject. We called his teacher for a chat to see what might be going on in school. The teacher helpfully suggested grinds and asked what we thought he would get in the Junior Cert itself. An A, we said, and the teacher laughed. Really, he actually laughed out loud! But we knew our son. We got him a grind, just the once, for two hours in total. And in the Junior Cert? He got an A. No surprise to us but a great one to his teacher. So, teachers have 25 students in front of them, parents only have to worry about one? All the more reason to listen to parents when they tell you something about their child. Teachers have something to learn from parents too, because we each sit at a corner of that equilateral triangle.

When it comes to communicating with teachers, I have a whole tray of eggshells to walk on. So if teachers are walking on eggshells with parents too, why don’t we all just wade in and make an omelette? The outcome would be so much tastier than what passes for communication now. The article suggests that parents open the discussion about a classroom incident with "I wanted to let you know something my child said took place in your class, because I know that children can exaggerate and that there are always two sides to every story. I was hoping you could shed some light for me." What?? Is it really necessary for the parent have to give a big preamble? Do teachers need parents to couch a genuine or valid query in these kind of obsequious terms? What’s wrong with just that last bit “could you shed some light for me on what happened in class/yard today as X was a bit upset”? That’s not an attack on the teacher’s integrity, and crucially, nor does it invalidate the child’s. A question among equals.

This article didn’t seem to me to be written for parents at all. It was more a “preaching to the choir” than a genuine opening of dialogue with parents. Its tone was adversarial throughout, as though parents don’t understand teachers while teachers understand every motive of parents and have plenty of helpful ways to correct them. Some of the points may have validity, but they are lost in the implied hierarchy of teacher at the top, parent underneath, and child on the bottom. For my children, I am a resource in their education equal to that of any of their teachers. I don’t like being talked down to, as this article did. I treat every teacher who deals with my child with respect, fairness, dignity and good manners. I expect the same in return for myself and my child, and I expect that modelling this behaviour will teach my child the most important lesson of all, that we are equal.

I should note, that other than the Junior Cert Maths teacher, my own children’s teachers have largely been  excellent. They are approachable and observant, they listen to any concerns we may have and they frequently go over and above what they have to do to engage their students meaningfully. As the article said though, teachers are educated professionals, just as many parents are in different fields,  so I would expect nothing less.

Parents Move Forward with Gifted Ireland

 

Since 2009 we have been working together as gifted advocates. Our blog was born of this effort and has served as our learning curve in technology, writing styles, social media, collaboration and cooperation. We have consumed copious amounts of coffee and too many buns in our quest for blog perfection! We have had great times with much laughter and the inevitable low points and disagreements along the way, but have grown in the process, united by our shared vision of establishing a support network around the country and advocating on behalf of our children.

Over the past few months, we have met many of the the fantastic parents who have begun to come together around Ireland to offer support to each other locally. This has been truly inspirational. After four years, we are now delighted to move aside and share the stage at last. While the two of us will, no doubt, continue to air our views here as Dazzled and Frazzled from time to time, we invite you all to join the new team at Gifted Ireland.

With this new online initiative, local groups can have a dedicated page where they can post their upcoming events and meetings. As each group is independently run by its members, they will reflect the needs and emphasis of local parents and gifted young people. In time, we hope that groups will be able to share ideas and organise joint events, as we have already done with our Dublin North and Kildare friends.

Like the Facebook page here

Follow @GiftedIreland on Twitter here

Together We Can Change the World

We are delighted to join with our friends in Germany as they celebrate their first Gifted Awareness Week. We invite our readers to visit their website and read the many articles contributed by some very eminent people in the field of giftedness. However, we make no apology for writing as parents. We send our very best wishes from Ireland!

Parenting gifted children can be a rollercoaster. Just as you think you have it all figured out, the unexpected can happen and leave you feeling isolated, scared and frustrated. There is little awareness within the education system, of their needs, quirks and characteristics. Teachers and psychologists, most of whom have little or no training in the field of giftedness, may misinterpret assessments and misdiagnose behaviours. Parents may be left dealing with a bored, frustrated, difficult child with nowhere to turn for help and advice.

This is where parents' support groups are invaluable. Each child and each situation is different, but the one thing which we parents all have in common is the burning desire to do what is best for our children. New members often arrive to their first meeting full of anxiety but, having spoken to other parents of gifted children for the first time, they go away relieved to know that they are not alone and that they are not failing as parents.

Over time, we will all encounter difficulties and a good vent over a cup of coffee is extremely therapeutic! When you are in a support group, this is only ever a phone call or an email away. Between us, we have children spanning the entire age range, so we have a huge pool of knowledge and experience to share.

The only people with an unwavering vested interest in gifted children are their parents. No matter what career opportunities or barriers cross our paths, we will always have our children's happiness and welfare at the head of our agenda. So, it is vital that we not only support each other, but that we also work together to raise awareness of our children's needs and to bring about change within the education system. We cannot sit back and rely on others to do this for us.

Natalie, Deirdre, Catherine and Karen on a sunny day in Bray!

Natalie Butler, Deirdre O'Donovan, Catherine Riordan, Karen McCarthy,  and Michele Pippet (missing above) represent Gifted Advocacy and Support (GAS), a parents’ support group in Dublin and Wicklow, on Ireland's east coast. The group has run meetings and outings for parents of gifted learners and has been involved in advocacy at national level since 2009. Recognising the benefit to parents of getting together to share ideas and support, they are now working towards helping to build other support groups around Ireland and providing a means of communication between them. Through their website, parents can come together to give each other valuable support and friendship as they negotiate their way through the challenging years of parenting their gifted children.

Support Groups for Parents of Gifted Children in Ireland

Support groups are a great way for parents to get together and let off steam. They provide an opportunity to speak to others who may be experiencing similar difficulties to their own and who may have found solutions. It is a huge relief to discover that your children are actually “normal” after all!

Since the early days of our own group, Gifted Advocacy and Support (GAS), we have encouraged other parents around the country to form similar groups. We have done this through this blog, facebook and twitter and through speaking on several occasions at CTYI events. You may have come across Dazzled and Frazzled & Co handing out flyers at DCU on occasions!

Each marker on the map below represents an individual parent who either is or wants to be involved in a support group. Over time, we hope to add to the map so that everyone can find at least one parent within easy reach.


View GAS in a larger map 
Our hope is, firstly, to help other parents to find each other for support, but also to provide a means of communication between groups so that we can support and encourage each other. We also hope that we can all come together to work on any future advocacy efforts so that we have a louder, unified voice.

In order to help parents to find each other, we have added a new page to our blog: Find Support. There, we have a list of support groups. If you would like to be put in touch with one of these, or have a group which you would like added to the list, please let us know. If any of the details need updating, be sure and let us know too.

Although our primary focus is on parents, teachers who wish to join support groups are warmly welcomed. Parents and teachers have much to learn from each other when it comes to supporting gifted learners. When they work together and listen to each other, the children benefit enormously.

Teachers are Frazzled too!

Our education system is a complete mess for so very many reasons. I would imagine, from a teacher's point of view, it must be difficult at times to keep morale up. It is easy for parents to criticise, but we have no idea what it is like to face a room of thirty kids of hugely varying abilities and be under pressure to get them all safely through the state exams. Add a sprinkling of learning difficulties of all descriptions - maybe not even diagnosed - and dwindling back-up from the resource department. In secondary school at least, toss in the hormones and behaviours of adolescence and you have a potent mixture!

When it comes to special needs, how much training do teachers get before they are thrown in to sink or swim in the "inclusive" classroom? For giftedness at least, I think the answer is “none”. Rather than think the worst of them, we need to try and empathise and support teachers. As advocates for gifted children, our job is to help teachers to help this group. A very good first step which would be of benefit to us all, would be for some of the basics of giftedness to be covered in all pre-service teacher training. If we didn’t have gifted children ourselves, would we have a clue of how it might present or how to deal with it? Most of us, even with our knowledge and experience, struggle with the task ourselves at times. I believe that most teachers, if they understood what giftedness really means rather than the usual myths, would be open to working with parents.

Let’s face it, one facet of giftedness is intensity. So, at the very least, I think they should be warned that the parents of gifted students may well be very INTENSE, but they are not to be feared! They are usually just very EAGER to help, but maybe aren’t sure how. As in so many aspects of parent-school interaction, understanding, respect and openness is required on both sides. For our part, parents must remember that we don’t really know how schools operate on a day-to-day basis and what may seem obvious and reasonable to us, may in fact be  well nigh impossible to do.

Teachers, please don’t feel threatened by us. We know that our kids can be difficult to provide for in our current system. We know that you are largely unsupported in this regard. Parenting a gifted child is not easy either. Sending our children to school can be both frightening and frustrating for us and sometimes that emotion may spill into our behaviour when we interact with you. You have no idea how wonderful it feels when a teacher is receptive and supportive. Speaking from personal experience, when my own child was struggling in early secondary school, finding just one teacher who “got it” transformed the lives, not only of that child, but of the whole family. Instead of being a nervous wreck sending him to school each morning, I felt secure in the knowledge that he had someone to turn to if things began to overwhelm him. In the end, she didn’t need to do much at all. It was just knowing that she was there and that she understood that made the difference to us all. We all have teachers from our dim and distant pasts who we remember with affection and this one will certainly be one of those.

It is by talking to each other, sharing ideas and experiences, that parents and teachers of gifted children can make a difference. 

Purpose and Passion Part 2

Teachers With Passion

We all know that our teachers can pass through their entire basic training without ever hearing about gifted education at all. Once out, they are faced with classes of maybe thirty students of wide-ranging ability and a good sprinkling of various learning and behavioural difficulties. How they deal with all this on top of getting our children through the curriculum to our satisfaction is, quite frankly, a miracle. When it comes to CPD, given that only 3% to 5% of children are gifted, I wouldn't imagine that gifted is too high up their priority list. Why would it be?

However, through Twitter, Dazzled and I have discovered a whole world of teachers with passion. These teachers are tweeting and blogging their hearts out. There are a few things which have struck me about them: they are engaging with each other to collaborate and share ideas, they are incredibly generous, they are innovative and open to new ideas. Most importantly, they very obviously LOVE what they do. Sometimes I sign into Twitter just to catch some of their infectious enthusiasm! I can only imagine what it must be like to be a student in one of their classrooms.

Whilst there are many teachers globally who are gifted and talented education specialists, I think most of the Irish ones are not. They probably have little idea about the niceties of gifted education theory. But, you know what? It doesn't matter. They are already well on the way to doing what our children need. They must surely be inspiring their students to love learning, just like they do. They are open to new ideas and that is where I feel parents have a role to play.

Unlike these teachers who must deal with every possible learning scenario, parents of gifted children have the luxury, if you will, of being able to focus on gifted issues alone. Given that it often seems to run in families, many parents of gifted children are themselves gifted. Which means that they tend to go at things which interest them with gusto and to learn quickly. Many are extremely well-informed when it comes to gifted education and psychology. However, what most of us don't have is training in education and knowledge of what happens or what works in our children's classrooms. 

It strikes me that if we could all work together, we could really make progress. For that to happen, parents must be prepared to speak up, but in a supportive and encouraging way. Teachers must accept that, whilst they are the educational professionals, parents sometimes have more knowledge in a particular field that they do. Sometimes parents can come across as pushy and critical and sometimes they are just that. But often, they are just frustrated.

In terms of provision for gifted education in Ireland, we have draft guidelines from the NCCA and the SESS has resources and a pilot project, Equality of Challenge. So, progress is being made and some groundwork has been done. However, in reality for the vast majority of us, nothing is happening. I propose that we stop waiting around for change and we just get on with it by connecting with each other and working together.

Twitter is a great place for this to begin. As one teacher commented: "For me Twitter is like the biggest staffroom in the world. Full of wonderful, inspirational, helpful people". Here is a tiny example of what our teachers are up to:

@HumphreyJones is a science teacher in St Columbas College in Dublin. He also has a blog. 

@TheFrogBlog is the science department of St Columba's  and has an award-winning blog, The Frog Blog.

@sccenglish is the English department of St Columba's has a fantastic English blog.

@physicsteacher, Noel Cunningham from King's Hospital School, has a superb physics blog: thinkforyourself.ie

@simonmlewis, Simon Lewis, is the Principal of Carlow Educate Together NS. He runs two sites which are fantastic resources for primary school teachers:  anseo.net and mash.ie.

If you ever need proof that Ireland has teachers with passion, check these guys out. I was completely blown away by how they tweeted and blogged all summer long...we even had some tweets from France! (Not sure how that went down with their wives...)

We all have so much to learn from each other. Through social media tools like Twitter and blogs, we have an opportunity like never before to really engage and collaborate; to dispel the myths and false ideas we have about each other. We all want the same thing: to support and encourage our children as they negotiate their way through our education system into adulthood. We need to support and encourage each other too.

Purpose and Passion Part 1

Parents With Purpose

Yes, it’s true that in Ireland we have no gifted and talented programmes in our schools or even a national advocacy organisation. Our teachers receive little or no training in gifted education during their basic training. No, we don’t have the likes of James Webb, SENG or the NAGC. Yes, when you go looking for information and resources on all things gifted, you generally end up with something produced in the USA, or maybe Australia or the UK.

We have a choice. We can whinge and moan and wait for things to change, or we can get up off our arses and make that change happen. Please don’t say that you don’t have the time, the skills, the personality…or whatever excuse you fancy. 

In February 2008, a speaker at the CTYI conference, “Understanding Gifted Education”, at DCU had to abandon her lecture and just answer questions from parents. One parent, Margaret Keane, came away with the message that parents were hungry for information but had nowhere to turn. She could have joined the whinging, but she decided to set up a website instead. Now, granted, she did have the training and skill to do that. However, through many hours of hard work and dedication, she has seen her site grow to become a fantastic resource to which parents and teachers can turn for information regarding gifted children: www.Giftedkids.ie

Dazzled and I met through the discussion forum on the Giftedkids.ie website where we were moderators. In May of 2009, we decided that if we wanted a support group in our area, then we would just have to start one ourselves. We picked a date and a venue, announced it on the Giftedkids.ie forum and we had 6 people at our first meeting.

That summer, in response to the invitation from the Government’s Innovation Taskforce we wrote a submission highlighting the need for provision for gifted students in our education system. However, with the demise of the Irish Association for Gifted Children, we found we had no platform from which to deliver it. In the end, we submitted it on behalf of our support group, but we swore we would never find ourselves in that position again. So, we turned out support group into a Gifted Advocacy and Support group: GAS. Now, we can make submissions and representations on behalf of parents in the South Dublin/Wicklow area. Our group has grown steadily over the past year and we now have a cohesive core group who are working on advocacy projects together.

One year ago, neither if us had more than very basic computer skills. We could manage emails and web searching, but that was about it. Now we are regulars on Twitter, we administer a google group and a google website for GAS and we have this blog and a facebook page. Most recently, we made our first foray into public speaking at the Irish Teaching and Learning Festival in Dublin.

There are other individuals out there doing their bit. One example is Leslie Graves. Like us, she is a mother of gifted children with a passion to make a difference. Over the years, she has developed a wealth of knowledge which she passes on through public speaking and now also a blog. On behalf of the IAGC, before it was dissolved, she contributed to the NCCA draft guidelines for gifted education and was elected to the WCGTC.

Some of us, through determination to understand the issues, have certificates or diplomas gained through distance learning programmes, but none  of us has a teaching degree or can claim to be a professional or registered teacher. What we do have is years of experience raising gifted children within the Irish education system. We all have extensive knowledge gleaned from reading, studying and attending conferences. The parents of most gifted children could claim the same.  If more of us step up to the plate, together we can really make a difference.

We would love to see other support groups such as ours spring up around the country. Imagine the impact if we had a GAS network. With the age of social networking, geography is no longer a barrier. The united voice of many will always be more powerful than the individual, so it is important that we all support and encourage each other. We each have different skills and strengths and may take different paths but we must always guard against falling into the trap of becoming focused on ourselves and losing sight of the goal. Our sole agenda must be to support our children and we can only do that by working together as a unified force for advocacy.